you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
