and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
