laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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