Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Everclear isn't food dammit
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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