Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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