From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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