I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize