so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dick very happy bro
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
