but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize