Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
