HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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