John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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