She said her name was "party"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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