your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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