Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
