Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
