apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
