you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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