Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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