If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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