I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
