Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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