you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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