If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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