Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
