At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
