You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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