haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
