Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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