i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
