cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
