I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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