OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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