dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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