I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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