Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
