Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
