Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
