I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize