I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
