When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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