Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
