if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
