Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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