i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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