I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
