I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
