Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
