Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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