I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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