It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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