What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
