I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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