remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
