You smell like stripper and shame
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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