chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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