god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
