And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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