I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
