Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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