So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
should my penis look like a turkey
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
