have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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