3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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