You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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