She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
