Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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